#MGAnon: Can We Talk About Sex, Please?
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Q: “Dear Muslim Girl, I need your help! I don’t want to sound childish but my wedding night is coming up and I’m so nervous. I’ve never even kissed a man and now I’m shopping for lingerie! How do I deal with the anxiety? Will it hurt? What if I’m not sexy enough?”
A: “Everyone is awkward and not sexy the first time. Also, it may hurt, but if you talk to your husband about your fears, he should be understanding and gentle with you. Presumably it’s his first time too, so he is probably nervous and worried about being sexy, too. Make sure you have lots of foreplay to get your body ready, and lots of good quality lube to make things easier and reduce the chance of/amount of pain. Everyone is different, so you may not have any. Go slowly and communicate lots.”
– Jennifer, 39, Bahrain.
A: “An unmarried virgin here, but just wanted to remind you, that from what I know, the husband is supposed to get the wife to orgasm in Islam (she can divorce him if she doesn’t feel sexually satisfied). I don’t have the experience, but try to get a good amount of foreplay done, so that it doesn’t hurt and it’s a good experience for you. Tell him what you like (or think you like) in a sexual situation. Just from what I know about sex, can’t stress enough the importance of foreplay. Sis, tell him to do like an hour-ish of foreplay. And try to educate yourself on the clitoris. Once again, an unmarried virgin, but from what I know about Islam and sex education, that’s my advice. And Allah knows best!”
– Fareen, 20, California.
A: “Share your anxieties with your fiancé! I’m sure he’s nervous as well, and if you both share your feelings about this, it’ll be a great way to build a foundation for your future.”
– Tasneem, 23, Dubai.
“I know the wedding night is really glamorized and stuff, but you don’t have to have sex on that night if you don’t want to or don’t feel ready Don’t feel pressured by it, but if it’s something you do want, then I’m sure your partner will feel similarly and it will end up fine!”
A: “In my experience, sex does hurt the first time. You can definitely alleviate discomfort by using lube though, and definitely make sure that you’re communicating your anxiety to you husband because both of you are in this together, no matter how awkward it is! You may be surprised to find that he shares your fears. I certainly was! There’s probably very little anyone can say to quell how anxious you’re feeling, but if you do have a friend you trust, perhaps discuss it with them? The fact that we’ve turned sex into a taboo topic definitely causes girls like us to feel lonely and awkward in this situation, so perhaps taking comfort in community may help?”
– Anonymous, 28, San Francisco.
A: “Envision how you want the night to go so you have some control over the situation! Don’t make a move unless you’re comfortable enough to make that move!”
– Habiba, 25, NYC.
A: “If you feel awkward, communication is key. USE IT WITH YOUR HUSBAND. It’s extremely important when being in a relationship. Good luck, sister .”
– Knafee, Age Withheld, Chile.
A: “Don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for just because it’s your wedding night. If he truly loves you, he will understand; just communicate it to him. Also, just breathe because he’s probably just as nervous as you are so you’re not alone in this.”
– Meral, 20, South Africa.